And all I want is Love.
I am the Ocean of Love.
~ Meher Baba*
Love God and find Him within,
The only treasure worth finding.
~ Meher Baba*
It is now twenty years since I first heard of Meher Baba. At that time, I didn’t know who He was. I was listening to a reading given by David Cousins and part way through he said, “Meher Baba is standing behind you, cranking up your heart that is all run down.”* It had been three months and twenty-five days since I had sat with my hand on my husband’s arm, when I knew, with certainty, that his last puff of breath was his soul departing. In those intervening days, in spite of my grief, I had quietly but strongly determined that I would live as I had known Stephen to live. What I knew was that he had deeply loved me and he had deeply loved Jesus, but in a different way—one of deeply felt faith that was more than I could feel then. That faith he had poured into his music, into his songs’ lyrics, into a oneness with his guitar, with his listeners, and most of all with Jesus in a ”journey through sound and light.”
It was only one year later when Meher Baba’s effect on my life began, turning me toward these words of His, “I am never silent. I speak eternally. The voice that is heard deep within the soul is My voice—the voice of inspiration, of intuition, of guidance. To those who are receptive to this voice, I speak.”* I heard His voice from within and I grew in faith. A decade later, I met a pilgrim I felt drawn to spend time with each night, and did. She encouraged me to try to feel Meher Baba within, as she could, rather than hear or see Him as I could with inner ability. But I could not.
In Meherabad for all these years, over the last several ones, I had been aware of a minor, yet persistent feeling of something missing in my life, regardless of my appreciation and gratitude for living here. Then one day in December, a sudden insight came of my wanting to feel Meher Baba, bringing with it the memory of my friend years before encouraging me to do just that. Resolutely I sat down in my straight bedroom chair, facing my favorite photo of Baba, and holding my gaze on Him, I quietly said in earnest, “I want to feel your love in my heart, Baba.” The corners of His mouth had the slightest upturn, and His eyes seemed directly focused on me. As I stopped speaking, and was still, I realized that I had just crossed a great divide within me, for I had revealed what had been hidden. Releasing my need for His love caused my body to immediately relax. Whatever fear I had been carrying that had kept me from following my friend’s earlier example melted away.
The following morning, during a regular session of Biodynamic Cranial Touch, I shared my desire to feel Baba’s love with my practitioner, who knows me very well. When my session was over, she told me that she had been guided, at one point, to visually focus on my subtle body heart and had seen blocks moving away. At home, I felt the comfort of knowing that I had taken an important step and received a positive response. The following morning was the winter solstice, the first day of the sun’s return to a lengthening of its light. And in the perfection of love asked for and given, I awoke with a feeling of calm that I, unrecognizably, had been longing for.
My realization is, “Love from God may need to be asked for directly, rather than hoped for, with a willingness of letting go of all fear.”
* Gift of Love, Sayings and Messages of Meher Baba, compiled by Perrin Jasmani (Pune, India: Meher Era Publication, 2000).
* Avatar Meher Baba who, “devoted his life to awakening humanity to the reality of Divine Love. He declared himself to be The Ancient One and God to be the real Self within everyone.” Quotes of Meher Baba © Avatar Meher Baba Perpetual Public Charitable Trust.
* Meher Baba, The Silent Master, Meher Baba, compiled by Irwin Luck (Myrtle Beach, SC: Meher Baba Archives Publishing, 1987).
* David Cousins, A Handbook for Lightworkers, David Cousins (Bath, England: Barton House Publishing, 1993).