Through my twenties—years of effort to get pregnant, including multiple-birth drugs—I didn’t go to others’ baby showers for the sadness I felt, but I just couldn’t rise above it.
It was my emotion, not my husband Paul’s, as he was busy in a new position as a small-college administrator. When he became friends with an older faculty member without children, Paul learned that he and his wife had just adopted a five-year-old girl. After meeting her, we knew we wanted to adopt too. A year later we had a daughter and after a year-and-a-half I gave birth to a second, giving us two children—while I was still thirty.
When my water broke early evening—my first thought was, “I’ve just showered.” Prearranged, Paul drove our daughter to her friend’s, the dog to the vet’s, and by the time we reached Mountainside Hospital I was two centimeters dilated. Transition (the third phase) was long but just as a caesarean was mentioned, I felt the urge to push. In between bearing down, I put my face into my husband’s soft, warm belly, until with a final push, our doctor was calling my name—and in the high-mounted mirror I saw our wet, naked daughter.
My realization is, “Overt and hidden grief in the failure to successfully conceive and carry a baby to term may be difficult, depending on personality and emotional maturity. Adoption brings joy.”
It was my emotion, not my husband Paul’s, as he was busy in a new position as a small-college administrator. When he became friends with an older faculty member without children, Paul learned that he and his wife had just adopted a five-year-old girl. After meeting her, we knew we wanted to adopt too. A year later we had a daughter and after a year-and-a-half I gave birth to a second, giving us two children—while I was still thirty.
When my water broke early evening—my first thought was, “I’ve just showered.” Prearranged, Paul drove our daughter to her friend’s, the dog to the vet’s, and by the time we reached Mountainside Hospital I was two centimeters dilated. Transition (the third phase) was long but just as a caesarean was mentioned, I felt the urge to push. In between bearing down, I put my face into my husband’s soft, warm belly, until with a final push, our doctor was calling my name—and in the high-mounted mirror I saw our wet, naked daughter.
My realization is, “Overt and hidden grief in the failure to successfully conceive and carry a baby to term may be difficult, depending on personality and emotional maturity. Adoption brings joy.”