I’m facing a course—in fear, with Meher Baba as my teacher. Other challenges have come for different learning. From an aspect of my life, I’m given an opportunity to reaffirm or replace my spiritual tools—to stand still or grow; I opt to grow.
In 2009—house-bound by a broken leg—I saw violent visions at night that mentally challenged—up to an escalation of facing "evil"—as meanwhile, I kept sighting new ways of safe resolution. In 2010, emotions turned me into "a defending warrior" holding to what I believed in, as my weight dropped fifteen pounds—restored as I surrendered unhelpful thoughts to newer ones that were more truthful. Now, in 2012, I’m turning a corner where there’ll be changes and choices—but I’m given no details, and fear has me graduating to a higher level of consciousness, as we eye one another.
My early response to the morning inner emptiness and chilliness was to plug in my heating pad, put it on my chest, and pull the four pillows I sleep with closer. After days, I changed to repeating affirmations of a caring God, comforted by the words—Baba takes care of me, taking my journey inward. Within more days, I focused on my inner body, as once, during A Course in Miracles meeting, after a meditation, the leader, looking around had said, "Barbara* has turned to light." Remembering that, I concentrated on my inner light and felt heat spreading through me—the "inner sun"—my muscles loosening, relaxing back onto rumpled sheets.
My realization is, "In A Course in Miracles, I learned there is 'love' and there is 'fear.' When facing fear, we can use worldly and spiritual tools of help to turn us toward our truth—that is love."
*My birth name